versus

I have been doing a deep dive into a handful of comparisons running through my head lately; ultimately, I feel these polar opposites are proving to erode our society. Here’s the list:

ego vs humanity

religion vs no religion

republican vs democrat 

science vs art

consumer capitalism vs social capitalism 

conformity vs freedom

Two quotes that came out of this research seem to capture the essence of why we just can’t all get along…

 “I am who I’m supposed to be”

vs

“I am who I choose to be”   

I can absolutely see the validity that each holds, and where your mind lands is due to your upbringing, lifestyle, environment, trauma and a host of other mind-benders. Find your corner and fight till the end with these polar opposites.

Before I get too far along, I want to share a story that seems to get at the foundation of this essay. The idea that our society is stuck in an old paradigm of ‘right vs wrong’, and that we should take a clear look at what stories we are telling ourselves.

So, here’s one of my stories that involves two separate conversations with two separate individuals, over a period of a couple months:

Towards the end of my twenty year ownership of a convention center, café, and catering business in Menlo Park, I had a mom come up to me remarking on how polite my kids are. Seems kind, but then she added that being kids of service workers was the reason they had pleasant manners.

Come on now, haven’t we all seen Seinfeld’s ‘Soup Nazi’ episode? Or been struck be the curt behavior of someone helping us out? The opposite situations also apply, as our conference center hosted many state dignitaries (from across the globe), CEO’s and celebrities… I have stories of humility, of disdain and everything in between. Yet, there I was smiling at a back-handed compliment that festered for weeks.

Until another bus ride with another mom on a field trip, and the topic came up. I was almost done sharing the conversation with my seat mate, who I have to add was the sitting CEO for a known start-up company, when she enthusiastically agreed, without taking a breath. I will be honest, I liked this woman; we had a repour and quite frankly, she was smart and funny; I could relate to her, I was even opening up to her on a bus!

I pushed back, I said we make it a point to raise polite and self-aware individuals. I also do raise my children to have a spine and stand up to let their voice be heard.  Her response was short, but succinct, “we need all types of people; some to serve and some to lead.” This bleeds into the class system that still thrives today (around the globe), if you choose to engage in this mindset:  whether noble or common, one is born into their state of being.

I do find it incredibly quirky that in retelling this story, it is now apparent that her story about people is ‘they serve a purpose’, and that my story about society is ‘we create our purpose’. The idea that service-minded skills won’t transition into other jobs/skills is silly, even if only suggesting a small-scale benefit. And surely, using the strength of a decisive and confident CEO can aid in other jobs/skills as well. This is one of those ‘all or nothing’ paradigms we have been stuck in for decades; power, money and control are all that matters in this paradigm. Only problem… and it’s a big one… it isn’t working, we are stuck!

And if we do not learn, bend and grow… we will destroy ourselves. Us versus them is not a healthy place to grow from, and often ends in death. With WWIII on the horizon, I say we need to play a different game. Community and not competition, love and not hate, inclusion and not fear. I am finding my way through the query of why I cannot breathe when discussing politics with someone who quotes fox news or wears a maga hat. It’s the idea that humanity isn’t universal, and that stops me in my tracks.

I see a connection between our two political parties and ego versus humanity. I don’t really have to explain which side is which, but I do want to suggest that ego is not wholly negative, nor is humanity entirely positive. We are best served when we have the confidence of ego mixed with the desire to do the best for the most amount of people.

when ego demands,    “I am right!”

let’s first ask humanity,    “what do you need?”

Such a small recognition of the vacuum we live in, and how best to cohabitate and evolve together. When did ego deny more knowledge, when did ego stop asking for wise answers? And for that matter, when did humanity stop listening, and when did helping become weak? Likely, when one individual thought himself better alone than in this together, for future generations?

Seems we value only control and power, and money seems to get people there quickest, regardless the trauma we create. This is how the puzzle pieces fit together to make the mosaic of a story we will fight for. Seems obvious to me that we forgot the power is in community, and instead have been seeking recognition, status and short-sided security.

Before the war, we can choose to connect rather than divide further. We do not need to buy into the polar opposites we have been sold. Let’s look at a few, and please take a few deep breaths before reading on. Because our old stories are no longer useful to us, let your mind open to new possibilities… maybe social capitalism versus consumer capitalism? It certainly couldn’t hurt to service employees, communities and the planet, all at the same time. And it is too late to take back the interdependence between business and society.

Should one seek shareholder gains or shared prosperity? 

Buy, Grow Profit more? or Grow, Share, Profit more? 

Do you wish for a fortress or an open field?

Are we all in this together? or Do you take care of just yourself? 

Is there a reason for everything? or Do we create our own meaning? 

Is the tension we live in worth the duality of our stories?

Although I am sassy enough to believe the premise of this essay, I do also understand that I barely scratched the surface. It also doesn’t take a genius to see that we can either get on the other side of the current presidency having learned a bit about how we want to coexist with each other going forward. Swinging from one side to the other is getting very destructive to both our planet and the people living on it.